Focusing on Ourselves is the Least Selfish Thing We Can Do

Posted on Saturday, October 18, 2014

Today I read about how someone is following their heart, their spirit, what their mind tells them they must do…and how others are calling them selfish. This person took off to visit and work with a healer across the world, then to visit a few teachers and friends, then to live in an ashram, and now upon exiting, is venturing to another place that is calling, again across the world. Some people throughout the year have expressed wanting something, perhaps help, perhaps for this person to join their movement, perhaps for this person to return home…

I feel joy reading that this person knows that they are not selfish. This person writes that they feel happier than ever and have discovered that in order to care for others that what they need to do is care for themselves first. This is such a gift!

It is only by following our dream that we can so generously contribute.

“We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that you save the world. The influence of a vital person vitalizes…We save the world by being alive ourselves.”
― Joseph Campbell

Often when you are growing, others may judge you as selfish. Particularly during the stage of your journey about discovering a deeper connection to your essence and purpose, then hearing and following this call. This is a time when others might tempt you to slow down or go another way.

People don’t consciously want to hold you back. They are scared of their own magnificence. Different spiritual teachers and bodies of work describe this in different ways.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”                      ― Marianne Williamson

Katie & Gay Hendricks talk about OBLADs, childhood messages we were given about not Outdoing others, not being a Burden, not stealing Love from others, not Abandoning others or fearing being abandoned ourselves, not being Disloyal, and even about being fundamentally wrong. Others heard those messages themselves and then share them with us to keep us in this trapping game. Our opportunity is to know these stories are not true, to absolve ourselves of these made up crimes.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
― Joseph Campbell

Metaphorically inside, each of us has a purpose, a gift, a burning fire waiting to be discovered. This is our ultimate fuel. By doing what we love, what we really want, what we almost (or really) can’t not do…this is how we create the greatest joy and make the greatest contributions. Life does not have to be work; we can create it to be the ultimate pleasure. Doing what’s natural, living in our Genius, is energizing and powerful.

ThriveTypes describe what happens during these stages in the WorldViews. When we are growing from Connection to Fulfillment, others often try to pull us back. Connection is about deep, real relationships with others, however it focuses on others. Fulfillment is about discovering our purpose, finding what is so deeply satisfying to us, and pursuing that. Fulfillment is about focusing on ourselves.

This journey is a great example of what Joseph Campbell calls the “Call to Adventure.” It is an adventure to discover what makes us unique and what we are here to deliver. This requires a turning away from everyone else with at least some of our attention and instead focusing on ourselves. This may look selfish from the outside. And it is ultimately the least selfish thing we can do.

This is why, during our transition from Connection to Fulfillment, we often experience changes in our group of friends. Those who are not ready don’t want to face this invitation, so they don’t want us facing it either. Others who are open to this journey may come along, maybe some even encourage us. Along the way we’ll find others longing to know who they are. And most importantly, we finally see others who are discovering who they are and are living it.

“Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you are the answer. The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
― Joseph Campbell

There may be many rounds of our discovery. Friends may change, work may change, our market niche or the constituents we serve may change. This is normal. You are not flakey or selfish. You are on a unique journey and finding your way. You are discovering, indeed making, your own path, and it is likely not clear.

“If the path before you is clear, you’re probably on someone else’s.”
― Joseph Campbell

While you do this, people in your life in Connection will share all the OBLADS to pull you back. Whichever resonate with you will ring loud and clear. I’m writing this to encourage you to keep stepping towards the fire, to feel the heat, to allow it to fuel you. I have discovered nothing more enlivening than discovering and following my truth, to living it, and to be received by others who do want my gifts so much. It is my job to be open and listen, to take risks, and to keep focusing on what does work, on what is good.

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”
― Joseph Campbell

I’m writing to encourage you to do the same. Take steps to being more and more of who and how you truly are. Be emboldened knowing that there are many of us out here who do and will support you, celebrate you, and promote you as you expand.

To learn more about OBLADs, Genius, or World Views, contact Laureli for a complimentary session. And look for an upcoming showing of Finding Joe, a great movie about Joseph Campbell.

 

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